Bag Lady.

Erykah Badu’s Mama’s Gun album shuffled as Toni prepared for her day ahead. She arose out of bed, then made it back up. She got up earlier than she usually would, with no alarm. As she showered, she prayed and said her affirmations. Headed to the kitchen, she fed her poodle and gave him a good morning kiss. Eggs benedict, toasted avocado bread, and a mimosa has been on her mind since the previous night, so she assembled all three. She sat at her breakfast nook and started a new read by Eric Jerome Dickey, her favorite author. His books were always a page-turner, so she finished a third of it alone while eating breakfast. Cleaning up her plate and other parts of her apartment, she lit some incense, burned some Palo Santo, and meditated.

While still in her meditation position, Toni took down her crown. She grabbed some beeswax that was at her feet and began retwisting her roots. Her fingers became sore and her hands began to cramp, as she did her annual maintenance on her butt-length dreadlocks. Her pen and journal still lied on the floor from yesterday, along with moving equipment.

Shifting through her bags that she hasn’t unpacked yet, she came across things that put her in a melancholy mood. One of those things was her old engagement ring. Dark memories made their way back into her mind when she put it on. Rambling even deeper into the bag, she pulled out what would’ve been her wedding dress. Although she knew she’d never be with her ex again, she thought that it would get put to use in case she did get married one day. As she continued, her college basketball jersey was now at the top of the pile, dusty and wrinkled. Her father invested so much money for her to play in the WNBA, but when she called it quits, he disowned her. He wanted to live his dreams of playing in the NBA, vicariously through her. Although she was an amazing ball player, her heart wasn’t in it. She played solely for him. She desired a father-daughter relationship that was only present through his true love—basketball. It weighed heavy on her for years, yet she never expressed it to him.

So many of Toni’s emotions were reserved and that created rage and sadness within. She walked around, dragging issues that were never discussed, or cared to be discussed by anyone except her. The bags that she needed to unpack became much more than just items from her old apartment, but poignant hindrances that needed to be addressed and disposed of. Her day started great until she began stumbling upon the things that weighed heavy on her soul. She didn’t want to relive her past or even think of it.

She put the ring, the dress and jersey back where she found them. She thought twice and took the ring back out so that she could pond it for some extra cash. Smart girl. Two bags that held unhealthy burdens and somber sentiment went down the trash compactor to never be retraced again. Toni’s weight shifted and she felt alleviation, as she learned to pack light, forgive, and let go of the unnecessary baggage. Alexa, play “Bag Lady” by Erykah Badu.

“Bag lady you gon’ hurt your back

Dragging all them bags like that

I guess nobody ever told you

All you must hold onto, is you, is you, is you”